the Heart of the Matter

I’m learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand,
All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning again
I’ve been tryin’ to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter.

 

I think it’s about……….

What is this about ??????

Is it about learning ? Yes.

In four years, what lessons has John’s illness and death taught me?

In no particular order, let’s take a look:

1. That strong , healthy people get sick and die. No diet, exercise regiment, clean living, meditation, earthing, alcohol free, caffeine free, low carbohydrate, Keto, or latest fad can ward off the Grim Reaper. When your number is up, it’s up.
2. Cancer is big business. Medicine and big pharma will not and cannot cure cancer. Alternate treatments exist, but they don’t make executives rich so your doctor cannot and will not prescribe them.
3. Love cannot and will not save you from death.
4. People will show their true colors in a crisis. For better or worse.
5. When people show you who they are, believe them.
6. The people at the perimeters can surprise you by becoming the center.
7. Don’t compare your life, your worries, your problems, your troubles with others’. If everyone threw their problems into a huge pile, I guarantee you would search out and take your own back in a heartbeat.
8. Nothing is at it seems. 
9. People often lie. Always, always, tell the truth
10. Grief makes people extremely uncomfortable. Be aware,  but be truthful about your feelings. Those who truly care will listen.
11. Don’t take advice from those who are clueless. 
12. Stand up for yourself. Widows are bait for scammers, liars, and power-hungry idiots. 
13. You are much stronger than you think. And way smarter than anyone thinks.
14. Anger can be metabolized to courage. Use it as fuel to take that risk, first step, speak your truth.
15. Feel all the feelings. Don’t sugarcoat the pain, anguish, fear, anxiety, sadness, hopelessness. 
16. Find a way to tell your story. A friend, a therapist, a blog. Whatever form it takes, find a non-judgemental ear to spill out your heart to. Then keep telling it, over and over again, until it is real.
17. Read the books but find your own way. Everyone grieves differently. It is a unique journey without a map or timeline.
18. Allow yourself time, lots and lots of time, as long as it takes.
19. Healing will take its own form for each griever. Allow your path to be your’s. Have no expectations and disregard everyone else’s.
20. Follow your heart. Be you. Finding yourself after losing yourself is scary, but it is also an opportunity to begin again.